The Girl I Shouldn’t Have Kissed… and not just because Dublin Isn’t Ready

I knew this girl for a few years, I knew her for about a year before I realised that she was gay. I’d never met her partner, who had a unisex name, so it never occurred to me. And it didn’t matter. I just knew I was attracted to this girl. I told her things I shouldn’t have, totally opened up to her. Every time we had any alone time I would give her any secrets I had. I don’t know why. And god did she make me laugh. I just adored her company. Everyone does.
Did I mention she’s pretty?
Did I mention she’s very pretty?
We moved in different circles and one night when I was out with her group I mistakenly kissed one of the boys and ran away. I called her and we laughed about it, she told me he was cool and there would be no awkwardness if we were all out again.
We were all out the next time. It was a bank holiday Sunday and the atmosphere was lawless. I had left my group of friends to come meet her where she immediately told me I was not drunk enough and I immediately monopolised her attention.
I downed 3 drinks pretty quickly and we went to dance. The boy I’d kissed starts dancing with me – fine. Cool no issues from me legging it last time, great. Then another guy – who I’ve always flirted with cuts in, actually cuts in. We’re a hot mess dancing it up in this bar, swinging out of each other. At one breather when I reach for my drink She laughs and whispers in my ear ‘They are both trying to score you’ and then erupts laughing. With a glint in her eye she shouts ‘I’ve warned you’ and dances backwards away. God she was cool.

And then I notice it, yup, she hasn’t gotten this wrong. That is what’s happening here. But I notice something else too. I only enjoy dancing with her. I only feel good dancing with her. And our dancing got hotter and touchier and closer until we were basically touching each other up and ludicrously acting as if it was nothing. Pulling our sexiest moves for each other. The boys had left us too it at this point, bored of our exhibitionism.
We moved on to a club and promptly lost everyone, I don’t know how it happened and it wasn’t a surprise but we started kissing and we didn’t stop. She was a great kisser. When we came up for air there was a group of guys around us staring. They applauded? WTF? So we moved off and got back to devouring each other.
I’m not sure what I’m allowed here, she has a girlfriend – is this just drunken kissing? I really want her to touch me, feel me up, grab me. I want her to squeeze my tits and put her hands between my legs. I wanted her to do whatever she wanted – but most of all? I wanted it not to be a spectacle. Why was two girls kissing still a thing to behold? Once again we moved to a different part of the club.
I’m a tourist, I do this for fun and when I can get away with it, but Kitty (I’m going to call her that, she’s that cute and that bold and I always want to play with her) Kitty, must get this all the time. I asked her if this was the kinda shit she has to put up with all the time? She adorably responded ‘It’s cos you’re hot and you’re wearing a short skirt, they wouldn’t look otherwise’. I’ll add that it’s because we both are. But I didn’t get a chance, she grabbed me, pushed me against the wall and kissed me again. She stopped and announced ‘I want to take control, I want to be in charge of you, to tell you what to do. To take you’. God it was so hot, ‘I know you want me to’ she wasn’t wrong. I did want it. I wished we weren’t in the club.
I pushed things a little further – I started feeling her tits and I couldn’t stop myself, I felt my hand go up her skirt. I wanted to do more but I didn’t know what was ok. And of course I couldn’t shake the feeling that it was all being watched. And not in a nice way.
When boys are still interrupting girls mid full kiss, to get in on the action, I know we’re not living in an equal society. Yes that actually happened, he tapped us both on the shoulder and went in to lob the gob. Thankfully Kitty handled it.
Did I mention she’s great?

We eventually parted. I was too drunk and I wasn’t sure where this was leading. I went home alone. I’m not sure what she wanted I’m not even sure I know what I wanted?
But it’s probably not the last time.

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