As with all of this, this being good sex that I enjoy and the other person does too, it’s all about context and understanding. Bitch, whore, harlot, tramp, filthy, dirty, girl, good girl, promiscuous in the right context you can call me all these words. In the wrong context you can use all these words, it’s just semantics.
I love semantics.
Call me a whore in the street and I might laugh or shrug fully bemused. Call me that in front of my parents and I might be annoyed. Call me that in the bedroom, in the right way. I’ll get wet.
For full effect I suggest pairing it with the word ‘your’ and telling me that you’ll do as you please. In fact, if you’re very lucky I’m likely to tell you myself that I’m your whore and that you can in fact get me to do as you please.
Again with bitch, say it at work and I won’t bat an eyelid, say it in front of my parents and neither will they. Say it when I’m being constructively helpful and I might get upset with you.
Calmly and confidently say ‘Get on your knees bitch and take this in your mouth’ and I will drop so fast I might kneecap myself. Grab me from behind and pull my hips to you, press me against your cock, then gently get a handful of my hair and pull my head back to whisper ‘Can you feel it? You’re gonna take this like the good little bitch that you are’…. Guaranteed to get you the response that you want, whatever that may be.
Filthy, dirty, tramp. These seem easy but they’re not. I am filthy and I am dirty – but compared to what? I might be the tamest thing you’ve ever come across, by your standards. I might be the most wanton creature ever, to you. But if you want to talk about me as being filthy or dirty then you better mean it as a compliment. Because I love to hear it. A lot of guys I know (none of whom know I write this) are more than happy to regale the group with stories of girls they’ve been with and how dirty they are; the girls that is. And a lot of the time I can’t shake the feeling that they are judging the girls for wanting and being willing to just do what the guy himself wants. It’s unacceptable to describe a girl as a slut or a whore when re-telling a tale but you can most certainly get away with saying ‘She was absolute dirt’ – and I’ve lost track of how many times I’ve heard that. And always, I get the sense that it’s not complimentary? Even though the guy is openly telling us how much he loved it. As if there’s something wrong with the girl for liking it but nothing wrong with the guy for wanting it? It’s as if he’s negating his own embarrassment at what he did by transferring it all on to a label for the girl. That’s just a theory for it, I could be way off. I’ve pressed the guys, gently trying to see what it is they mean, but they always insist that they don’t mean anything derogatory by it, that it’s all a joke; of course they respect the girl and are not judging her. Yet these never seem to be the girls they go out with so I don’t feel this rings true, I can’t shake the idea that when they say ‘dirty’ they don’t mean it the way I want. It feels like code for slut shaming. I know when it’s said right, I know when someone says ‘you’re a filthy little bitch and I’m gonna ride the arse off you’ the right way, because it feels better than ‘I love you’. Or at least the same.
When I describe a guy as filthy, it’s usually followed by the words ‘and I’m fucking loving it’. I’ve said it a few times, where I’ve genuinely meant it and uttered the words with glee and well, pride at having found it.
So sadly when some of my male acquaintances say dirty, or call me filthy, I don’t love it. But mostly when someone else does, I really fucking do.
Girl. Good Girl. Where to begin with this. So fraught so laden. I have always hated anyone saying ‘good girl’ to me. It has always felt patronising and condescending and as if the person saying it was superior. I’d say from about the age of 8 I have railed against it, getting more and more indignant at its usage, as I got older, it got more insulting, especially if it was said at work. Can you imagine anything worse? Until it’s said by someone who is telling me to do something to their cock. Someone who has teased me and made me do things, possibly until I begged for it, had the complete upper hand until they’ve finally given me their cock and started to enjoy my mouth working on it…. and then said ‘Uuhh good girl, that’s it, take it’. I love this because I hate it. Do you know what I mean? I love that it demonstrates more control over me yet at the same time lets me know that he’s enjoying it. It’s everything I would hate in a non-sexual context but is exactly what I want at that moment.
There’s only been one who’s said it and I never told him I liked it. Some things, delicate nuances like this, you can’t express a preference for in case they stop doing it naturally and overdo it or never do it again. It’s one of those things that has to be executed with confidence and ease, unforced, unaffected. If we were in the middle of sex and it was said for no reason I think I might laugh. Context is everything.
Slut. Hmmmmmm There’s not many words I don’t use but I think this might be one of them. I could of course be turned. I read it on other people’s blogs and genuinely get turned on by it. I’m sure if the guy who calls me ‘Good Girl’ said it, it would make my knickers slick or if he pulled my hair and said it in my ear as he fucked me from behind ‘You’re such a little slut for me, take my cock you little slut, take it and tell me how much you love it. Beg me for more of it’ Yep, I can certainly imagine that being more than effective. I suppose what I mean is I don’t ever use it in any context at all so haven’t used it in a sexual one. But! I hear you say, how can it be used in anything but a sexual context? Well, I would never call a girl a slut. I have heard it used against women too many times, I have shamefully spent too much of my life being either worried or angry that I could be called it. It hasn’t crossed the barrier for me completely yet. I will always bristle if someone says it in my company. Most times I’ll have to say something too, can’t leave it alone. Because a lot of the time it can be women castigating other women with words that we should be revelling in. If I hear someone call someone a slut I have to ask why, and what is meant by it. If there are any girls reading I would urge you to ask yourself: Is that what a girl calls another girl? Do you want to use that as a term of abuse? I suspect you don’t.
What you can’t call me though is the Problem or the Other woman or the Temptress, the Blamed. I am not responsible for your desires or your actions. It is not up to me to keep you faithful if you have a partner. You don’t get to blame me or point the finger. Unless I break into your house and crawl into your bed you can’t ever lay any of that at my door. And for the record, I don’t plan on breaking into anyone’s house and crawling into their bad to tempt them into fucking me (unless of course I’m asked).
I will sleep with whom I please. But I won’t help anyone cheat. Or maybe I will, I’m not an angel. I might not like it but I might not refuse it. It’s happened in the past. But I won’t be taking responsibility for that. That is up to you.
So call me what you like, it probably won’t offend me or upset or if it bothers me at all it won’t be for long.
Whore. Harlot. Slut. Dirty. Filthy. Bitch.
I am all and none of the words above at any given time.
But what I will never be is ashamed. I wish I’d figured it out sooner.