Aching to Gag for Him

Do you use FaceTime? It’s great, way better than Skype – somewhat more natural. And the fact that it’s in your pocket all the time unlike say, your laptop.
Anyway New Boy, who I’m patiently waiting for with a patience rarely seen from me, is fond of the FaceTime, consequently, so am I now. I’ve been converted. Sort of.
So this piece is about two things one I like and am getting to like more and one I’ve never liked and am not sure ever will?

New Boy is still keen on exploiting my submissive side, I suspect he has more experience than me. Bear that in mind. (that and the fact that I have not slept with this guy, let’s absolutely not forget that the most amount of touching that we’ve has has been very polite cheek kisses and nothing more)
So back to the FaceTiming. I’m in bed chatting to him, he’s on a couch somewhere on the mainland (that’s right, he’s English). Causally he asks if it’s cold in my bedroom, innocently even but I suspect something is coming. I think he’s about to ask can he see my tits, because you would wouldn’t you, if you knew you could. He’s seen them plenty but thankfully still happy to see them every time. He quietly tells me to pull the duvet down. I obey, I’m happy to show him. I think that’s about all he’s going to ask – but as usual I am wholly wrong.

Before I say more I have to explain I don’t usually enjoy being watched. In any way. It doesn’t turn me on to have someone look at me while I touch myself, either in person or remotely, like this. I’m not shy, that’s not the issue, I just won’t come. And the more I think that, the more it doesn’t happen. Now I’m not mean or selfish and if it really turns someone on then I’ll do it, I’ll try but I will warn them that I’m not likely to orgasm and I won’t be fully turned on. If they’re ok and they want it anyway? Sometimes I’ll oblige.
So I pull down the duvet and just stare back at him. He doesn’t smile, he just looks back and then tells me to go lower. There’s a difference in the tone of his voice, there’s a commanding element to it the softer he speaks. I pull the duvet back further. I am only wearing knickers, I mostly sleep like this. For some reason I’m a little aroused more than I usually would be by this but I know how this goes – I get somewhat excited and then it never really goes past that, I know I’ll get no relief. But my breathing is still ragged? I tell him this isn’t likely to work. He calmly says that he wants me to do it anyway, that he just wants me to do as I’m told. And … that he knows I will. Fine, if he knows he’s not going to get a full show out of me and he wants it anyway, I’m going to go along with it – something in his voice is making me want to.

 

He tells me to put my hands inside my underwear and just leave them there, don’t move them. The camera is just on my face and tits, that’s what he can see. He’s still not smiling, he’s different and I like it. I start to think he might know better than me and this might be ok? He’s staring at me, darkly, and I like it. I like his gaze and how it makes me feel exposed. He’s fully clothed.
He asks am I moving my hand inside my knickers, I tell him I’m not. He tells me that he wants me to. He can see my arm moving he’s aware that I’m doing it. He uses my name and once again tells me what he wants me to do. ‘Abbi, I want you to stop touching yourself and put a finger in your mouth ‘. I barely have this done when he tells me put a second in there. I slide them in, still enjoying the tone of his voice and how he’s looking at me.
‘Abbi, push them in further… further’. They are almost back my throat. I start to gag and he knows this. He says nothing for a few seconds and then tells me to keep them there. And I hold them there as long as he stares at me. I gag more – this is what he wants, to watch me gag, picturing my fingers replaced by his cock.
‘Take your fingers out Abbi, put them on your clit. Now show me’. I move the camera down so he can see. He tells me to push a finger inside myself. I’m not a terribly good sub, I talk back, but I do it. Again his tone just owns me. He watches me and I don’t know if this is doing anything for him, I can’t tell anything, this of course is adding to my excitement. He tells me to take my fingers out and to circle my clit. I do as I’m told. I bring the camera back up so that he can see my face and tits – he knows I’m still circling my clit as instructed. I love his gaze, it’s so in control both of me and of his own excitement. I can’t tell it at the time, but he tells me after, that he was so turned on. My compliance did it for him.
Again he calmly tells me to take my fingers off my clit and to put them in my mouth. I do. Again he pushes me to shove them further back my throat, he’s waiting for me to gag. But I’m good at this, it’s not the first time I’ve had something as big as both my finger back there. But I am only human I can only hold it so long. He waits, and waits til I’m on the edge of choking. I know what he’s doing but I didn’t know how much he was enjoying it or how much I would.
Here I am, naked, being watching and shoving my own fingers down my throat and I’m utterly turned on. When he eventually tells me to take them out I’m out of breath and nearly choked, they’re very wet. He calls me a good girl, this swells my clit even more. And thankfully he tells me to put my fingers back on my clit. And finally I see his cock, rock solid and glistening with pre cum. He touches it and tells me to watch him. I am enthralled, one because I love the look of his cock and how his hand moves on it, two because I’m so delighted to see him as aroused as me, and three because even though he’s touching himself for me to see – he’s still in control. Utterly in control of the situation and of me.
I am doing what I like to my lips and clit I can’t look away from him. He’s still talking to me in the new voice, the one of dark lust and control. I think I’m going to come, I can’t stop now – the sound of his voice, the sight of his cock and the thought of him touching me….

But I don’t. It does that thing where it reaches a peak and then disappears – like it always does when I attempt this. I’m not happy, in fact I’m annoyed at myself and a tiny bit embarrassed.
Neither lasts long.

But what’s left? The knowledge that he can do this, that he can control me and arouse me even like this, over FaceTime. And now, reliving this as I write it I am wildly turned on, disproportionately aroused. It is the thought of him and what he could do to me …. And the sound of his voice.
I’m in my parents’ house, where I am never able to make myself come but I feel like I might be able to now.

If this boy is a fraction as good when I finally get to have him as he has been on FaceTime I may not be able to give him up.
I wonder, is it him or is it the fact that I’ve had to wait so long for him?
2 More days and I’ll know.

(in case it wasn’t clear, it’s the being controlled and obeying instructions that I like and am liking more, being watched…. Not so much)

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