Have You Sent Me a Dick Pic Lately?

Like a big proper blogger I’m going to talk about something that someone else published.

Two weeks ago in The Sunday Times Magazine there was a cover article about sex. Well, sexting really but sure, we can make that fit. All about how awful and dangerous it was.

Really?

 

Before we start the dissecting:

 

I love The Sunday Times, it features heavily in most of my Sundays and they are sorely lacking when I don’t have it. I don’t always agree or even relate to all of the articles but I am generally entertained and if nothing else it gives me some pictures to look at when my brain has either been fucked out or fried out with a hangover.

I’ve been disappointed (and have judged very harshly, you should know) 3 boys in the last year who have uttered this line to me: Why would I buy a paper when I can read it online?

Well, for one, you can’t read all The Sunday Times online – not for free anyway.

And secondly… well secondly you’re missing the point. Entirely. And you’re ruining sexy Sunday for me. And for yourself because now I’m annoyed that I have to explain it to you.

Two people sitting staring at their screens not talking = not sexy, two people entwined on the bed or couch reading a paper categorically is. Especially when you put the paper down and ruin it by fucking me on it.

And for some reason it just feels more like I’m doing something with my partner ‘We’re reading the papers’ as opposed to ‘We’re both just sat here on our phones/tablets’.  I always think it’s easier to interrupt someone with something I want to share, if they’re reading the paper. I don’t actually want to know what they’re doing on their phone, that’s their business, but reading the paper is shared business.

 

Anyway, none of that has anything to do with the stupid article that I hated, I just wanted to make my Sunday needs very clear. And also obviously make it very clear that I didn’t find them at all credible, the claims of the article. In fact I refute most of it. I think it was written by someone who is not, if it was a thing to be marketed, the target audience. Written by someone who was a generation, in mind-set if not actual age, apart from one that is open to sexting and getting sent the vilified dick pics. So I wasn’t surprised that she didn’t find any joy or beauty in her task.

 

The article was titled ‘Why do Men Sext’ – really? You have the answer as to why all men, everywhere sext? Wow, Sunday Times Magazine, that was some serious research, how many years did it take to compile? You know the reasons why any man at any given time might want to sext, the reasons and explanations behind it? Again I’m so impressed.

But wait? What about women, do they not sext? Are they to be excluded from this? But then I applied logic and realised that after doing that mammoth amount of research it was probably not reasonable to expect them to cover both sexes and that additional article will be along shortly.

 

Needless to say none of my questions were answered. But I didn’t really expect them to be. What I also didn’t expect was the slightly prudish judgemental tone throughout. And the stand point that women don’t really want dick pics and have no idea how this became a phenomenon.

Once again, really??

 

Well of course this was a red rag to a bull.

I know this is redundant but I’m going to do it anyway. For the record I fucking love dick pics. I love being sent them by guys I know, I love being sent them by guys I don’t know.  I love them awake and standing to attention and I love them all tempting and semi awake, nearly ready for action.

I adore this Tumblr http://dicksforgirls.tumblr.com/ I could waste a day falling into its magnetic pull. (Nearly didn’t finish this post because of it. Thanks a lot www.seasideslutdiary.com @seasideslut Twitter) I can’t understand why someone who likes dick would not want to see that?

 

What I can understand is appropriateness and timing. There are of course some parameters around receiving cock shots and what can be reasonably expected in return. And just to clarify I want to see dick all the time it doesn’t mean that I can. I have a very lovely day job and as exciting as it is, it regrettably doesn’t actually involve being paid to be Abbi in any way. (that is very shocking, I do realise) Or indeed write reviews or collect the most amount of penis pictures a phone has ever amassed. Much to my chagrin. No, it just pays me to do some other stuff which I mostly love doing. And, as if you needed reminding, I do have a family, I am not a lone entity who was magicked into the world with no kin, and they have no idea that I get up to any of this and I am quite often busy with them.

So I can’t always take a peek at the pics I’ve been sent, I can’t always take the time to appreciate them or comment. But I will, eventually and I will generally be very happy to do so. Delighted in fact. Rest assured if you’ve sent me a pic, whether I’ve said it or not, I’ve probably loved receiving it.

 

Now again there are exceptions to this. I don’t love receiving a dick pic with expectations attached. I have never once, publicly asked anyone to send me a picture of their penis. I have let it be known that I have happily received them and I have commented where it was warranted. But outright solicited? Nope not me. So, if you choose to send me a picture of your cock, then that is your choice and I’m afraid you have no right to expect anything from me. You send them of your own free will for whatever reasons that drive you to. All you can rightly expect of me is non judgement which I will dole out in spades, if it were a thing to be doled by spades.

So if that’s you and you just want to send it, then please feel free, I would hate for this to discourage anyone. For the ones who want to ask what I’d like to do with it, do not expect a response. For anyone thinking of asking would I like to feel that length up me, also don’t bother. That’s not what I ever want accompanying a nice cock shot. This can all be done without any element of sleaze. So please don’t ask me if I’d like it in my mouth or if your pic has made me wet. I won’t be answering.

(except here, to tell you that no, it hasn’t made me wet)

 

I have of course solicited pics from cocks that I was on very good speaking terms with. And these are the ones that have the power to make me wet. These ones are far more potent. A good pic from a cock I know, with a well-timed message will have me in a puddle. If I know what that penis is capable of then of course a picture of it from its owner will do more than it realistically should. I’m transfixed and then I am transported, thinking back to the last time it slid into me or I slipped my mouth down over it. How it felt in my mouth, how it hardened in my hand and all the filthy things I want to do to it next time.

And just to break all the previous rules; these ones are even better if I get them at work or when I’m with my family and I know I they’re there and I can’t look. But there’s a whole difference between a cock I know and one I don’t, this I hope is self-evident? I know the person, I know the motives, I like the person sending it and they know what response to expect from me. It is not sleazy.

 

I have just the once been sent some pics that I didn’t like. I’m not entirely sure what was wrong .. that’s a lie, I know exactly what was wrong I’m just not prepared to describe it. Suffice it to say some things in the background of the shots were off putting and there was an inherent tone of expectation and reciprocity. Something that I have always stated will never be, this is a one way street, I will not be sending you any pics of my very lovely (and you’ll just have to take my word for it) neat, little cuno. I post enough of myself, in fact I think I’m quite generous with the boob pics and the leg shots and on occasion the odd shot of my less than average arse.

It is for reasons like these that I removed myself from Kik and Snapchat. All my stuff is up on Twitter.

 

 

So I do understand that there are situations where dick pics might be unpleasant; as described above or randomly being asked on Tinder, two sentences in, if I’d like to see his dick? Yes, there is that and it’s annoying and insulting but it’s mostly laughable, surely? And it doesn’t negate the sheer thrill of getting a gorgeous cock shot, out of the blue on a Monday morning from a beau who knew how to wield it…… Or absentmindedly checking your other email just before you go to sleep and finding a series of really well taken shots of an impressive dick. A delicious treat. And nicer than the Tumblr because I know it was taken just for me (or at least intended for my eyes, if not actually taken specifically for me!) (Both of which happened this week. And to the guy who emailed me them? Wow, just wow and apologies I didn’t respond sooner)

 

 

The Sunday Times doesn’t speak for all women everywhere on the matter of dick pics, and neither do I. But I like them and long may I receive them, through my phone and please god almighty, who I don’t believe in, in glorious reality too.

 

 

Right, so we’re all clear on how to send me pics and what to expect? Which is of course, nothing. If you’re sending them with expectation then you probably shouldn’t.

 

 

 

*There may also have been other aspects covered in that article but I was picking the one I had most umbrage with.

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