So there I was, minding my own business (I never am) not thinking anyone had anything to say to me (they always do) about the details of my penchant for submission when this pops into my inbox (or the first version of this)
I don’t know this guy, but it sounds like we might be made for each other – in another life. I always want to know what a guy is thinking about sex. Actually I always want to know what everyone thinks about sex, but more narcissistically, what they think about the kind of sex I’m into.
Yes, well done, I could of course ask the person who I’m having sex with, but that’s not the same is it? And you never know how much they’re editing.
Anyway, I was thrilled to read this Dom-lite’s perspective on some sex that I have just revealed. Hurrah! I get to hear it from the other point of view.
Now disappointingly, for the nosey-parker pseudo psychotherapist in me, Dom-lite doesn’t go into why he thinks he’s like this but he has fabulously compounded my notions that topping me is a sign of abject care and might be the most caring thing a partner can do for me. Should they manage to get me to trust in their skills in the first place.
I have a dominant character. I like my own way on many things and I tend to lead not follow. I like being in control. I feel comfortable and happy to be in charge. That’s not to say I ignore those around me or don’t take other points of view into consideration. Good management means finding a way that suits everyone. During the day you’ll find me in meeting rooms and conference halls. Two phones. Usually one to my ear. Deals are negotiated. Plans made. Money spent, saved and made.
After days like that you might think I’d give it a rest. Let someone else take the strain. But I like to dominate in the bedroom. Not in a “leather chaps and a DIY dildo dungeon under the stairs” kind of way. In more subtle ways. I’m BDSM lite. I don’t go in for the big stuff. Bit of restraint and spanking does me fine thank you. There is nothing like a willing bottom begging to be spanked. Gives me shivers just thinking about it. The quivering buttocks. The anticipation. The sound of a hand coming down with a firm smack onto yielding flesh. But most of all the response. Eliciting a moan, a whimper, turns me on beyond words. But to make her blush; that’s the biggest prize. To be the cause of that most visceral and uncontrollable human responses. To see her cheeks burn. To see her catch her breath. To have that deep emotional connection. If I made someone blush in the office I’d feel terrible for days. That would give the exact opposite feeling. That’s just bullying. Bullying is the polar opposite of domination.
The thing that most people seem to miss is that there is no real domination without a willing submissive. The main word there is willing. Believe it or not there are people who like to be spanked. If you read this blog I’m guessing you know of at least one. People do enjoy being tied up. Flogged. Humiliated. They enjoy the loss of control and they enjoy the things that happen to them. They can enjoy them because they trust the person who’s doing it.
The scene will have been discussed before. Safe words agreed. Soft and hard limits set. This has to be agreed before anyone smacks anyone’s bottom. I can tell you that you can love someone and want to spank them into a wet heap of longing because you know that’s what makes them happy and fulfilled. It doesn’t mean you care less. It means you care more because you are doing it for them as much as for you. The way all sex should be. Except perhaps a charity wank when she’s too tired but you’re still horny.
For me half the fun is the build-up. Being dominant means you get to build the anticipation and the excitement. It’s a tricky balance. You need to pick your moment. Watch her breathing. Expressions. Eye contact. Making her strip in front of you is a personal favourite. Fast or slow? Is she embarrassed or more defiant? Will you allow eye contact? Will you make her turn around? Bend over? Will you run your hands over her body? Make her spread her legs? Find an excuse to punish her for breaking the rules? If you’re just demanding more blow jobs in a deep voice then you are missing the point. The most important thing is that the Sub is enjoying it. This comes above all else. I like to deny her an orgasm until I allow it. But it is always the final destination. It’s so rewarding when it comes, and if it’s more than once the satisfaction just increases. If I happen to have my cock in her mouth at the same time then all the better. But if we’ve agreed that I won’t cum in her mouth then I won’t. That’s crossing a line. I may desperately want to. I may be crying out to unload great ribbons of hot salty cum. In a way I’m being submissive in that sense.
I don’t understand why people are submissive or dominant any more than I can tell you why I love lemon but hate lime. I just am. It gives me a deep and profound thrill. Abbi’s blog last week gave us an insight into her kink. This is mine. Yours will be different.
Now. Bend over. Grip the back of the chair, and politely ask me for another.
Apparently he doesn’t know, which is perfectly fine. Sometimes like studying a book or a poem in class the dissection of it can be the undoing of it. We don’t always need to know how it became a taste but we do need to make sure that we are only doing what our partners are happy with and have agreed to.
(Once again, I’m not saying every step, blow by blow needs to be written out and verbally agreed but stop if anyone says stop. Watch your partner, look at the reactions and listen to the cues. But really, this goes without saying for your average decent human)