Guest Piece – ultimate sex toy review

The toy is made of warm realistic skin with a good shape and a weighty feel to it. The tip is particularly firm and looks like it could stand up to years of abuse. It is permanently erect at 17cm long, but will sometimes slacken off after heavy and extended periods of use. Comes complete with an almost inexhaustible power supply and realistic balls that tighten and swell during normal operation. The unit is completely self-cleaning, and out of the packet, has a pleasant smell of mild shower gel and straining cock. The real selling point is the girth, at a slightly eye watering 17cm. Probably for the more adventurous girl who likes to be stretched and would be challenged to take it all in one “sitting”. The girth increases pleasingly at the base for added discomfort. It doesn’t vibrate, which could be an option in later models, but for many the thought of being roughly pulled back onto this may be a welcome one. Overall a sensible addition to any girls’ bedside draw. Plenty of lube advised.



I have a large cock. Don’t get me wrong, it’s not of pornstar proportions. I’m not a medical curiosity. Race horses have nothing to be concerned about. But from the feedback I’ve had it’s just a bit more than average. It’s not ridiculously long, but it is thick. Very thick. Weighty and substantial. But don’t worry I’m not expecting any sympathy.

“Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. REALLY?”


Some may say I’ve been blessed. But it’s a mixed blessing. I remember seeing my dad in the bathroom once. I must have been 7 or 8. I was shocked. Genuinely shocked. Would mine get like that? Where would I put it all? What’s it for? Years later I’d find out the answers to those questions. But I thought it was normal.


“Sorry it’s… it’s just too much…it hurts…can I just suck it…please?”


After the usual fumbled attempts one of the first was in my teens. She would come to my house on Saturday afternoons after her waitressing job. We lasted about three months. I thought she was beautiful. She was patient and kind and was, I think, rewarded for her understanding. She’d ride me on the bed while my parents made dinner. Together we discovered that vaginas do stretch with a little effort. Looking back I expect they knew, but I thought at the time we were getting away with it. As I was her first I don’t think she understood it was “unusual” either.


“Oh my Christ where are you going to put that?”


Gym girl (we both worked in a gym). We were both stupidly fit and treated each other like luxury sex toys. The best days were when I was off and she was on an early shift. We’d meet in bed at three in the afternoon and play a game. We’d lay naked under the covers and whoever touched my cock first lost. The game usually lasted less than 30 seconds. We’d fuck ourselves into semi oblivion and then do it all again. She even took it up the arse, but only with lots of lube and even then only a couple of inches before changing her mind.




Marketing girl was altogether different. That was love. I can still feel her tighten around me still. We were completely sexually compatible. Almost always had our orgasms at the same time. She lived away so it was all hurried weekends and travelling in either smiling anticipation or with a throat lump of longing. But she was a bitch. A selfish, aggressive bitch. In the end I stayed for the sexy but not too long. One day, after I’d driven two hundred miles to see her she told me if she could take my cock, but not me, then she would. I told her to order something on the Internet and left.




The most unexpected was club girl. I was in the middle of a massive all day bender with some friends. I seem to remember being introduced to club girl. She was no bigger than 5 foot and petite. Delicate. Tiny even, like a doll. She asked me if I wanted a lift. She made it clear it was just me who was invited. I don’t remember much. I was drunk and she as stone cold sober, but my cock was as painful as my head in the morning. It was bruised and torn. I bled. She rode me with the aggression and strength of a prize fighter. I saw her a few times after. Always just for sex and then she said she was worried about her boyfriend and I didn’t see her again, until I was introduced to my new boss years later.


“How much bigger does that get?”


Some girls do like it. But you can only be sure when the zip drops for the first time. As I got older I understood more of how to cope with it. To make sure she’s really, truly, extremely, completely ready. Surprises are not always nice. The upside is that I never have to worry if it’s big enough. I’ll probably never know that embarrassment, and for that I’m thankful. But on the down side I’ve never felt what it’s like to slowly sink my entire length into a willing arse.  Few have tried and all have failed. Blow jobs have to be restricted to the first few inches. Deep throat is just a fantasy to me.


“Is that thing real?”


If I get unexpected erections it’s almost impossible to hide it. I’ve been turned down flat at the first look. It is, at times, embarrassing, uncomfortable and, like every single one of them, my penis is a bloody massive liability. But for all that I wouldn’t change it even if I could. Go home or go large.

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