Fantasies are weird aren’t they? I don’t mean yours are weird or mine or anyone’s I mean by their nature they can be weird? In how what seems fantastical to one person can be the utter mundane to another. And how sometimes just the existence of fantasy itself is enough and you don’t ever want it to be a reality. Or like how some never can.
I really hate when a partner asks me what my fantasy is (let’s just presume he means sexually). I hate it because I feel like someone is going to get disappointed one way or the other and it’s usually me. At his response.
I think I might shock you if I revealed some of mine. Shock you in just how boring they actually are. But because they manage to allude me they are a real fantasy for me. Simple ones like wanting a partner who calls my boss and books me a day off, then doesn’t tell me until I go to get up – then pulls me back into bed and announces that we’re staying in bed, then going away for the weekend. I fantasise about having a waterfall shower in my bathroom, of having bouncier, shinier hair; shit like that. But you want to hear about my sexual fantasies? Well they’re just as mundane I’m afraid.
I don’t have any driving desire to have any more crazy sex. Or at least I don’t fantasise about it. I don’t need it at work, or on a roof top or at a music festival. I don’t need it backstage or on an airplane or on a beach. I don’t need toys or clothes or another girl. I just don’t have any deep seated need to do anything extravagant. There’s nothing hiding at the back of my psyche that I wish I’d gotten around to. There’s no one thing that I feel I would be disappointed if I didn’t get to do.
That doesn’t mean I’m done with sex. Or new things or closed off to new experiences. “Need” was the key word in that last paragraph, I don’t need any of those things – but I sure as hell like them! There’s still a few things that I’d like to happen, but I won’t be on my death bed crying that they didn’t (or standing at an altar thinking I’m giinv something up) There’s nothing I feel I’ve missed out on, even though I know there’s loads of things I haven’t done.
But fantasies are a strange thing and sometimes having them fulfilled is not at all fulfilling. A lot of them I don’t feel any need to do again. In fact a lot of them were a massive let down. An anti-climax if you will.
But the catch 22 is you have to do them to know they weren’t worth it, so in that sense I’m glad I got to do them.
I feel when anyone asks about my fantasies they’re waiting for something crazy to come out of my mouth. And if I say I don’t have any, they think it’s something so dark I can’t share it. And inevitably partners who ask me feel like there’s nothing left that’s new to me. And I feel judged. Or like they’re disappointed.
And that’s not how it is. I have a rubbish imagination! If you want to come up with something hot, I’ll probably be into it. (Probably)
But my real fantasy, with regards to sex? Is to have the person I’m having sex with to maybe sleep in my bed more than once a month. For him to live in the same city as me. And for there to be consistent, good sex at least 3 times a week. THAT is what I currently fantasise about. Loads of high quality sex. And coming home to someone who just wants to fuck the shit out of me. Maybe not even in a nice way, just pound me until his bad day is gone and so is mine. I do fantasise about that; lifting my skirt, bending over and just being ready as he comes in the door, no words, they’re not necessary. The words have been said already, either he’s had a bad day, he’s texted to tell me and this is what he needs of me, but more likely, I’ve had a bad day and this is what I need of him; brute desire and wantonness. For him to just take me over – to try and physically rub it out of me. When I’ve had a rough day, it’s what I fantasise about most…. Shocking in its lack of shockingness, right? But that’s what I want, that’s what I’d love. That’s the fantasy that I don’t have fulfilled. The satisfying knowledge that I could have this ….. at the end of a text.
But like all good fantasies – it wouldn’t be the same in reality, would it? Married people don’t do this, cohabiting people don’t do this? Things get in the way, don’t they? Life gets in the way. But in my fantasy, that is how it goes.
Now. There are things I’ve had that I wish I could keep having and there are some fantasies that I think I don’t want to live out. One of them is too dodgy to share, I think a professional might take a 1000 hours in consultations to pry out of me and explain.
But the other one? Well that’s the one I’m here to talk about today.
It’s not really a fantasy. Well I suppose it is, but I have done it before. It was nice. Pretty good but ultimately a little awkward. The thought of it was way hotter, the idea of it was way hotter. And yet still, I think I would entertain it again.
Me with two guys.
I’ve only done this once and both the guys were hot. They were both my type and miraculously they both looked alike. But ….. there was something off. I didn’t know either of their reasons for doing it. And there had been no discussions beforehand, it had just happened. You can read about it here.
I think it would have been better if we had chatted first. And also if I’d gotten any hint that the guys might have been into each other a bit, or up for touching each other. (They weren’t)
Sex is awkward enough, trying to get mentally comfortable with one person is a feat in itself but when there’s 2 to worry about? My head is not only worrying about me, it’s worrying about them; do they fancy me, does one fancy me more. Are either of them gay and is the sight of my tits ruining this for them? Is one jealous if I pay more attention to the other? Are either of them being made feel insecure by the other? Are they having a good time, is one having a good time but not the other?
AM I HAVING A GOOD TIME?
So why am I considering this again? Why is this still a hot can-sometimes-get-me-off thought? Well because the thought of two guys who genuinely enjoyed fucking me, actually fucking me at the same time? That will always be delicious. I nearly always crave a cock in me when I’m giving head. Especially if I’m really enjoying it and eliciting the right noises from him. Then I want to be fucked, played with, taken.
I just ache at the thought of it. For someone to come up behind me, pull down my knickers, lick their fingers and slip them into me. When they find that I’m wet they calmly tell me how pleased they are that I’m wet, that since I’m doing such a good job sucking boy one that if I behave myself he’ll take his fingers out and push his cock right in. This inevitably makes me moan with anticipation and he says ‘Good girl’ as his cock is shoved into me, nice and slowly. Hands grabbing my hips and kneading my ass as my cunt clenches onto him and I keep sucking the cock in my mouth.
And that’s just the start.
But that’s how it always starts, me getting it in the mouth and in the pussy. Everything I want.
But it’s not. I want more.
I want to make boy one come in my mouth, while boy two is still fucking me. Then I want boy one to climb under me (for I am of course on my knees) and I want him to try to lick my clit as I am still being slowly fucked from behind.
If boy two could somehow manage to pull out and finish in my mouth and then boy one could finish me with his tongue.
Or something like that.
Then we move on to two of us sucking one cock.
One of the boys fucking me while the other gets fucked in the ass.
One of them kisses me while the other one eats me, and they swap over so I can taste myself off each of them.
I so desperately want to see either of them take the other’s cock. I want to see them kiss – something about boys in a rough, passionate kiss really turns me on. I day dream of what both of them could do to me…. of what I could get them to do to each other.
I want to see how both of them give head – see if they do it better than me! See if it’s as easy as they think!
And who knows, maybe they have some ideas too (how generous of me)
I think what makes this so hot is that I have two people in mind. Two people where all the questions are answered and nothing has come up wanting.
I know they both like me, find me sexually attractive – no insecurities there.
I know they both want to do this – no feeling like someone feels obliged.
I know they’re both straight and this is just something they think would be hot and fun. And this has been one of the key concerns in the past; how do I find two guys who are into this and aren’t just using me as a buffer because they’re in the closet.
Both are (justifiably) confident in their skills and their selves.
I know both of these reprobates are the perfect mix of caring and filthy to maybe get this right. And ALL of that makes this something that I want to do. Something that strangely feels like a safe move?
And in this scenario we have the added bonuses of me fancying both of them and knowing full well that I enjoyed my time with both of them immensely.
All prior concerns and issues have been addressed. Although I do harbour mild concerns that we might not all get on. That the dynamic might be irrevocably changed to something that’s just not hot. What if they don’t get on with each other?
Well then we just all get drunk.
Will it happen? Who knows.
But if it doesn’t, I won’t feel incomplete. I will have the fantasy and who knows if that’s better?