Things I fucking Hate

I have no idea when I wrote this. Or why? Maybe in February, can’t imagine I was in great form then. Anyway, I am actually in great form now. But I’m struggling with a few pieces, and some conscience issues (probably unnecessarily) and I can’t post any of them. So for no reason, and with fuck all connection to anything sexy, except the tenuous link that it was probably sex that led me to being in that bad mood, here’s an unfathomable pile of ranting that digs right into every little thing I dislike – with little or no explanation.

This will not be popular. And that’s fine, I can’t be good every week.

 

 

 

 

It’s really hard to write sexy stuff when you’re consumed with angry-sad. It’s probably not a new kinda sad but like hangry I feel it deserves its own classification. Although I can’t seem to find the right combination; angrad? Sangry? It needs work but just so you know where we’re all at with this post.

I’m sad for all the plans that are now laid to waste and I’m angry because I feel conned. Neither of which makes for a very hot mood. (Either by themselves I could work with but not the killer combo)

So let’s focus on the angry and here’s a list of things I just fucking hate.

 

Hen nights – don’t ask me, I don’t want to go. A pile of girls acting like tools? No thanks. Just a pile of girls full stop. Really, everyone who knows me…WHY!! Just stop asking me to these things, I CAN NOT keep the look of disgust off my face.

Weddings – all the same, forced, formulaic and fecking expensive

The Dart

Spotify

Any spread that isn’t butter

Guys who won’t wear condoms

Starbucks/Costa/Insomnia/Nero

People who complain about the church yet christen their kids

Cinnamon and nutmeg

Lamb

Swiss cheese

McDonalds – every time I hear of their falling profits I rub my hands with glee

Instant coffee

Lyons Tea (I’m Barry’s all the way)

The X Factor

Cheap fabric detergent or fabric softener

Bed linen that isn’t 100% cotton

Scented candles

Madness (The band)

Dan Brown

People who don’t turn the keypad tones off on their phone

People who don’t vote

Having to kiss a smoker (we can always, always tell)

Fussy eaters, un adventurous eaters

Your average dress from Coast

Boot cut jeans on boys (or girls, but I’m usually not trying to sleep with them)

The following words: Bants, totes, “cheeky”, soz…. If you need to say sorry to me you had better use the actual word. I have cut people out of my life for less, I truly have

The summation “And all that good stuff” – even if used sarcastically

Patchouli oil

Tie dye

Anything that can be described as hippy

Rom coms

Chick lit

Jack & Jones ubiquitous clothing on Irish men

Nearly all tracksuit bottoms on men

iTunes

Apple products in general – even though I own an iPhone

Doritos

The fact that Hersheys is allowed call itself chocolate, when it’s an abomination to the word

Hollister and Abbercrombie & Fitch

Chardonnay

The word nana – dunno, just always hated it

Peaches – they’re like eating fuzz, and not in a good way

Waiting staff who take away some of the plates before the rest of the table are finished. Or when they whip the plate out from under my hands as I have the last morsel just popped in my mouth. NO. Tip. For. You.

 

Naming kids after yourself

People who don’t get names right, habitually – this is my mother

Dublin people and the way they can’t say Kieran and don’t know what the rest of us are talking about when we point it out to them.

The way that all headphones everywhere are the same input and output but we can’t have one universal phone charger?

Toasted cheese sandwiches where the cheese isn’t even melted

Galway – not the people, just the place and its faux, twee bullshit. And its persona that’s so ‘Ooh we’re all way better than the rest of you, cos we’re real Irish’. I just cannot understand the appeal of the place.

Sydney – what an overrated city. But mostly I hate Irish people’s fascination with it and insistence that it’s the best place on the planet.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

So there you go. A pile of stuff that gives you an idea why I’m such a crankypants.

You’d imagine I didn’t have a friend in the world. And I’m amazed I have so many myself some days.

Ok, off to make some moral decisions about the sex I’m currently having.

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