Not OkC ….

I am struggling this week, I really am. I’m struggling for time and for sleep and for some divine patience. I hope I can get this written tonight because I’m losing enthusiasm for staying on OkCupid.

Jesus what a load of work? Ok, in case you don’t know what it is, it’s a dating site that then developed an App – a sure fire way to get to the tipping point. Anyway, it’s a bit more detailed than Tinder and you have to answer a lot and I mean a lot of questions. But that’s actually one of the more enjoyable things – if any of the guys contacting me asked me any of them I’d have been delighted.

Even now as I type my attention is being pulled away by yet more rubbish openers. This piece will be lucky if it gets finished at all!

 

 

Ok. So I’ve been single since May. Except for those 5 weeks when I was seeing someone I met on OkC there in July. Anyway, the point is, I am single and this is my second choice for relationship status. But I’m no slouch, I’m not sitting around doing feck all about it or crying into my prosecco. No siree, I am a gal about town and I am also a gal about … the smartphone (not as catchy as I thought?) The point is, I am out there and I am present on social media and apps. Although I did delete Tinder as all the dates were pretty much useless you can read about them here but I wouldn’t they don’t involve very much sex, and certainly no hot sex.

But I gave it a good go.

I also meet people when I’m out and about, I give them a fighting chance too. But so far no luck.

 

So the most fruitful of the dating technologies so far has been OkC. I’ve been on 5 dates and only slept with one of them – the guy I was seeing for 5 weeks. (please note I did not wait 5 weeks)

But oh my holy god am I sick to my back teeth with it.

I am sick of the effort and the sheer mountains of SHIT that I have to wade through.

I’m not the first to talk about this, the far sharper and wittier GoTN wrote about it here – I’m just going to go and agree with her, and tell you my experiences.

 

The site gives you a little intro page (what are you looking for, where are you in your life, what music/food are you into), then has a details page (basically your stats; height, fitness, religion, smoking/drinking habits, desire for kids) and then the list of questions that you’ve answered. If you like the look of someone, you can take a look at their answers to the questions you also answered, with your responses helpfully lined up alongside. This is very, very interesting in and of itself. And I have wasted hours, hours of the day flicking through this.

It is also invaluable. Just today, and I really don’t know why I did, I answered a guy who sent me a message, to tell him I had no interest. Usually I just delete them, but as I said I don’t know why I did. BUT…. I think it was cos I was disgusted and … probably in a challenging mood.

When someone messages me, I take a flick through their profile, it’s the only courteous thing to do. And while his pictures were all very good, his stats even better it was when I came to his questions that I found my deal breaker. Not long into them there was the question: Do you think gay marriage should be legal. Now for one, it’s not GAY marriage, it’s MARRIAGE, the question should be ‘Do you believe in marriage equality for all sexual orientations’ – but that’s asking too much, I know. No prizes for guessing where I sit on this matter. I responded to him with a curt ‘You don’t believe gay marriage should be legal? I’m afraid we have no more to say to each other’.

But I forgot to block him after I sent it. And what a treat I was in for! A pathetic, trite, last-bastion-of-the-have-no-leg-to-stand-on Brigade, you can probably guess it: ‘Some of my best friends are gay’!

Oh how I laughed. And was delighted I hadn’t blocked him. ‘But some things are sacred’ he continued and how closed minded I am to not respect other people’s views. I am nearly on the floor laughing at this. Yes, how DISRESPECTUFL of me!! Yeah dude, I’m sure your gay friends love you and respect your views on wanting to deny them their civil rights.

(It’s ok, I’ve blocked him)

 

Now that interaction was kind of amusing but what am I doing wasting my time with this?? Why do I bother?

And that wasn’t even the rudest I was this week. My one and only message to one guy was a succinct ‘Fuck off’. And I’ve weirdly felt guilty about it all week.

 

I have just one picture up on the site. It’s a nice head shot. I’m not awful looking so it gets its fair share of messages, but not tonnes. Even still the amount of sheer fucking depressing rubbish I get sent has made me relegate the app to the 5th page of my phone screen and I have all notifications deactivated. I can’t cope with the awfulness. From trite old ‘How’re ya’s to the insulting show me your arse requests.

It’s exhausting, and it does not endear me to dating. Which is a crying shame cos I’m good at it and I love guys.

 

So guys here are my top tips for how to get 500% more responses from girls. But before I do, let me just say that while I know there are no absolutes in this world I am absolutely sure that there are things that girls and most definitely that I do that are infuriating to men on OkC …. I don’t know what they are because otherwise I’d stop wouldn’t I? So I’m not claiming to be a profile or communication angel. But I don’t do any of the following.

 

It’s actually a question guys, why do you think that a ‘Hey’ will garner a response? It won’t. Neither will, smiley face, winky face or ‘Hey Gorgeous’. But I’m not so unhelpful as to not explain why.

Internet dating is hard, and it’s a bit brutal, if you’re a girl you have a load of guys coming at you. It’s not always pleasant. You want to think that they clicked on you, read at least a bit of your profile and thought you might be interesting. We’re not stupid, we know you’re clicking and liking on loads of others but we don’t want to feel like you’re just out there throwing as much shit as you can (whereby shit refers to ‘Hi winky face’) and seeing what will stick. So even if you couldn’t give two fucks, and you are just throwing as much shit out there to see what sticks, if any of that shit actually referred back to anything we mentioned in the profile then you are automatically way ahead of everyone else. You really are. You know why? Because we know you slowed down for two seconds and thought that maybe wewere worth two seconds of your time. That we stood out maybe? Even if we didn’t – this is how you fake that we did.

And really guys, it’s just smart. You have ALL this information to hand, it’s ammunition, piles of it, handed to you on a plate, a full arsenal of things to help you score and yet 99% of you never even touch it?

Why?

I really cannot fathom it.

Imagine you were out in a bar and you saw someone you really liked, and then one of your friends was able to tell you loads of cool things about them. Are you still just going to walk up and say ‘Hey, so, do you like…. Stuff’.

 

I can tell you that from me approaching guys, I get 100% response rate when I ask them something they’ve mentioned in their profile.

 

 

I’m not sure why it makes me feel so sad for the state of communication that goes on in dating – but it does.

 

I’m going to be a bit more polite, no more telling guys (who incidentally asked me to show him my underwear as an opener) to fuck off. Or engaging with idiots who can’t comprehend civil rights – or the law in Ireland (you must have been sick when the Yes vote was passed, homophobic hot dude) and I will struggle on because I am not bitter and I am not unhopeful. I’m sure a gem will turn up soon, somewhere. And I can get back to writing about some hot steamy, filthy sex!

 

 

If any guys out there would like to share the ridiculous and obvious (to you) ways that girls are failing at tech dating – please, please tell me.

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