You Won’t Eat A Girl Out?

Forcing anyone to do anything is not cool, we all know that. No new life lessons there. Nagging someone until they finally snap and say ‘FINE, Ok, I’ll do it’ is also not cool. It’s the same amount of terrible just metered out slower. Like slow poisoning.

Any kind of telling people that they have to do something or that they are obliged or that it’s your right to it, is just not cool.

And that is not what I’m doing, let’s just make that clear from the outset. I’m not telling anyone that they are lesser or having an easy dig at their sexual preference. I wouldn’t do that.

What I am certainly going to do is rip asunder a ludicrous stance with flimsy arguments purported to be ‘brave’.


First off can we stop naming things ‘brave’ just because someone with a modicum of articulacy, calmly reveals to us some awful personality trait or tendency; some pseudo shocking stance that isn’t what the rest of the internet agrees with. It’s not brave, being openly gay in Africa is brave, this is bullshit. I’m so very tired of this label bandied about when a lot of the time it’s just someone revealing what a little shit they are.*

Of course there are some brave revelations, people saying things that are unpopular, but no less true. People revealing things that might see them ridiculed or vilified or bullied. Of course there are but I’m talking about the bullshit ones.


So, this guy William Lloyd, writing for The Tab, wrote about how he won’t go down on women. Ok, tell us why this is the case Will? And on he goes to tell us how brilliant he is at it but that he did it the once – that’s right folks just the once, and he was so freaked out by it he never did it again. Apparently she squirted in his face and he was so utterly sickened and disgusted by this that it traumatised him for life. Jesus, could you imagine this guy in a delivery room?

Anyway, let’s go back a second and take a look. Ok, so it’s his first time ever doing it and he gets hit in the face with (what he calls) piss – we’ll gloss over whether or not it is just for a sec. If I got hit in the face with a load of ejaculate the first time I went down on someone I’m not sure I’d be too mad about it either. In fact I won’t let someone come on my face or into my face, whatever is de rigeuer for facials, I wouldn’t know, as I won’t let them happen. I can see how this might not have been pleasant is my point. BUT… BUT…. Boys have, accidentally come near my head or in my hair or other places. It hasn’t stopped me wanting to try it again. The first few times (and at least I gave it a few) that I tried anal – an altogether more invasive action I might add, I didn’t like it and I wrote it off. BUT I was a hell of a lot more stocked up on the experience of it and had a far more robust argument as to why I didn’t want to do it; He was huge, it really hurt and it didn’t turn me on.

And. I didn’t write it off for life.

You can read about that herehere and of course here.


If you aren’t turned on by something, then you shouldn’t do it. You shouldn’t be doing anything in a sexual context that you don’t want to do – not least because that’s not hot for your partner. I don’t want anyone going down on me unless they are getting turned on by it, and certainly don’t want anyone there if they feel they are obliged to. I am definitely going down on a guy because it turns me on. So Will if you were there calmly and articulately explaining that you’ve done it, you do it and you have experience of it with a few tries, but ultimately felt that it just wasn’t anything that turned you on? Well I’d have a lot more time for you and your refusenik stance on it. But your argument that the first time you did it traumatised you and so you’re being brave and ‘coming out’ with this unpopular statement? Lame. It’s no better than a 3 year old who won’t eat broccoli. And just like a 3 year old, no one wants to coach you along and bribe you into it.

I hope you’re just as understanding when whoever sleeps with you doesn’t want to do something that turns you on.


The other point in your long winded with no supporting tenets article was your assumption that all guys who profess to love it are faking it, or that it’s like The Emperor’s new clothes. Just because you don’t like it you find it unfathomable that anyone else could love it? Can you see the irony in that? Seriously can you? You’re over there talking about how everyone shouldn’t be so shocked at your stance while at the same time seemingly shocked to the point of disbelief that it is loved by others?


You don’t like doing it, that’s perfectly fine. We don’t all have to like the same things. How boring would that be? But you don’t do yourself any favours with your explanation as to why.

I’ve been sexually assaulted and I still like sex – so your arguments ring null and void to me. Which leads me to think there’s some other reason. No one’s forcing you to do it but there seems to be a hint of pride in your declaration, as if you’re some vanguard of a movement and that men are going to be liberated from the shackles of cunnilingus because you were the first person to come out and say it?


I doubt it.


Anyway, I won’t be sleeping with you any time soon so I’m not sure why I care? Maybe because I want to speak up for all those guys who begged to go down on me, who came up rock hard after eating me out. All those guys who were ready to fuck me after eating me. All those guys that I had so much fun with – who were pretty convincing in their delight at having their tongue in me. For them I say ‘You don’t speak for all men, you don’t even speak for the average guy, you only speak for you’







*I am not calling this guy a little shit

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