Aww man, I’ve said it before and I am saying it, nay, shouting it again here now: I need BOUNDARIES, parameters.
I don’t mind what they are as long as I know them. I’m not asking for a rule book for dealing with you but just some clarity.
If I stopped answering someone’s texts, ignored them, then I’d truly hope that they got the message and left me alone. If I wanted to see them again but was too busy – then I’d say just that ‘Hey, up to my tits at the mo, I might not be available or quick to respond but don’t write me off’. And I’d definitely check in more than once every 6-8 weeks. That is of course if I had any genuine interest. If I didn’t … if I wasn’t really that into the person, then I’d be looking to check in when I was bored, when I had no other options. We’ve all done it. I’m not casting any aspersions here. I’m just calling it out, naming it. Because when you want to be seeing someone, then you do actually make the effort to see them.
Where was there any indication that I was supposed to keep going? A girl only has so much pride or energy… and with no encouragement, or explanation or indeed indication what else was I supposed to think?
Everyone is busy, everyone has shit going on, to state it like you’re busier than anyone else is akin to saying that what you happen to be busy with is more important than what I am busy with and that is an affront.
A few people in my life are like that; don’t answer texts or ring you back when you call – cos you know, THEY ARE SO BUSY. And I refute that. No one is too busy to respond in 48hrs. But we all know people like this, we all have them in our lives. We swear we’re not going to keep instigating contact or keep them in the loop with plans but then we do, because we love them and we accept that this is what they are like. It doesn’t stop it being ferociously annoying and a wee bit hurtful.
I digress. The point I am labouring here is that ‘busy’ is not a valid argument and yet it seems to be used as if it was the final word. You’re either interested or you’re not and even for something casual 6 weeks is pretty long with zero interaction and having ignored the last few attempts at contact. Saying you’re busy is the new lazy, it’s insulting on two levels; you’re too busy to give me your time because you’re not that interested and it also says that your time is more important than mine because of how BUSY you are. We all have the same amount of hours in the day and it’s how you prioritise them – this is not a revelation of a statement.
Ok, so I am not a priority, that’s fine I don’t think I should be. But if you want me to prioritise you for any of my time then maybe get in touch, don’t act like I am the last thing you turn to. I can promise you that I am low maintenance but even I need a tiny bit more than that to stay interested. Throw me a fecking bone for flip sake, gimme something that says I shouldn’t count you out. Or better let me know that you haven’t counted me out even if it is only very occasionally that you want to meet up. Give me that information so that I can make that choice myself.
But prodigal welcomes for discourteous lovers are no longer what I deal in.
I don’t care if you’re a brain surgeon, a social worker, a midwife, a parent or CEO of Globo Mega Corp – whatever your occupation, your time is not worth more than anyone else’s. And even if you think you’re Beyoncé, feck it, even if you ARE Beyoncé and you know it, don’t act like your time is more precious. It’s not becoming.